What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
