I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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