and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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