upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
