she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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