I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
