Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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