your room smells of hookers.
And success
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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