I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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