We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
i think my cat just said my name.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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