ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
