More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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