I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
