ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
