there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
