Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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