I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
