I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I can't turn off my feet"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
