I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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