so explain again why im purple
no
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
