remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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