This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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