I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
