If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Blood and glitter go together right?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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