I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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