OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Im part way to drunk.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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