You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
