Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize
