ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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