We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
