just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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