Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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