3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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