True but thats because hes a fetus.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
