i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
