well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
