I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
