Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
