My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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