Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
