U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
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I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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