just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
