Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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