I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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