we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
