The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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