Your dad touched me again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
