Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
