I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
