Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
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Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize