I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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