evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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