haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
