operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
They are going to name an STD after you.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
