when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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