he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
