I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
