I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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