Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
