Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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