the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
