Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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