Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
