All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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