woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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