So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
