Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
