Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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