dude i'm inner monologue high
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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