dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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