Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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