So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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