Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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