I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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