I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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