Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
