she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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